i totally get this feeling! leaving yourself open to what you have the energy for is the way forward; and taking joy in the process as it's own reward. i also wear many hats throughout a week, i'm starting to draw the line at wearing them in the same day as i just physically do not have the energy any longer to work a full day and play a show! getting out of your own way sounds like great advice, and remember that YOU get to decide how you define yourself, in every context, because YOU are the one in charge! thank you for this installment, and congrats on all of your projects!
Oh, I can so relate to this energy shift as I lost my taste for playing live shows about ten years ago when I suddenly didn't have it in me to work all day and then play shows that started at 9 or 10 at night..... I think of you as having endless energy, but I guess none of us have it forever! I think you've identified my stumbling block in your comment, which is a core belief that I don't believe I get to decide how to define myself. However, I'm finding that external validation is less and less my goal as I get older and more liberated - so I'm hopeful that by the time I'm seventy I'll be done with these questions. Thanks for the reminder!
I’ve written a lot of books. The world would call me an author, but that’s not the identity I’ve claimed. I’m a storyteller. Usually that eventually takes book form, but not always. Sometimes I need to spin or read or do handstands or play my violin, because to be a storyteller is to feel story moving through me.
I will add that we have a lot of overlap in our hobbies 😆, and if we do in our writing, yo might try ignoring the organizational features of Scrivener and just writing. I’m really good at outlines, but my storyteller just doesn’t follow them. There is always more than one way to connect the dots, and I find mine in flow. That might not resonate for you at all, but I can confirm actual books can be finished that way, despite the conventional wisdom ☺️
Interesting. Your comment made me think about what my creative identity is - if I were to sum it up - and I would claim Connector. Pretty much all of what I do is about making connections between ideas, people, history, etc. It's the thread that stitches together all of the various practices I engage in and the way I work those in community, or share them in places like this Substack.
Scrivener works for me because of what I am writing and the way that I write - I'm not overly hung up on its features, but I do like that it allows me to section out my writing and then work on a particular section without having to scroll forever (like I would in a Word doc). Getting into flow totally does resonate with me, but that has less to do with my specific tools and a lot more to do with a head space I find it hard to access. More and more I think that I'm not built for doing a single thing for hours, but better when I move between things over the course a day - an hour or two here, an hour or two there. If only I didn't have to dedicate 8 of my daily hours to work, then I might actually get something done :)
Ditching the day job helps some days - not so much others 🤣.
Connector sounds like a wonderful way to stitch things together. I found that once I had my creative identity better named, the various ways it needed to express felt far less scattered. We segment creativity based on the tools I’m our hands, but that’s kind of a dumb divide, honestly…. And it can make us feel like you wrote about, like we aren’t giving any of them enough time to be good at them. Do you judge thst differently if you think of yourself as a connector? And your need to flow between things? (Duh, lol. That sounds very connector-like!)
Connector is an identification that I've used in my professional identity (communications professional, union leader) - it describes a lot of my internal motivation and external impulses to work with others, teach, introduce people who can help each other etc. I hadn't really thought of it before re: creative work, though I've developed other, somewhat aligned "why" statements for my work over the years. I will have to think on how "connector" manifests and how to use that identity more consciously in the way I frame the various pieces together!
I’ve had several very seemingly disconnected careers, but it turns out the theme is I’m the one who finds the story and forms it in a way that’s easier for others to see and hear and find resonance with. My life path sounded waaaaay less chaotic and unfocused when I figured that out! I hope it’s an interesting lens for you to play with :)
Haha, WOW, I needed those words myself today! Thanks!
I know I started by saying that your post touches on so many things I think about daily, I didn't know where to start. I wrote that I do believe following the heat is the way to go, and indeed doesn't need to mean "waiting for the muse". I wrote something about how, for me, success in my creative practice (and we're clearly not talking about worldly success here) simply means that I'm doing it enough that I feel like *myself*. If I'm not doing it, I don't feel good. Putting it out in the world is another topic...
I'm pretty sure I also whined some about my current struggles with my creative practice, but I'll spare you that part this time around 😅
"success in my creative practice (and we're clearly not talking about worldly success here) simply means that I'm doing it enough that I feel like *myself*"
This here is the key - and a definition I'm going to start using for my own success metric. Frankly it's the only reason I write - because as hard and sucky as writing is for me, something feels way off in my life when I'm not doing it in some form. Ditto playing my violin (I recently had a bit of a come-to-Jesus moment with myself about this because I'm at the age where I can't set it to the side for months and then return effortlessly - if I want my hands to stay flexible, then I need to play continuously or lose I'll lose my capacity to play at all).
Thanks for re-capturing some of your thoughts for me - as have so much respect for your practice and writing about practice. Your words are always helpful in this regard.
If I may, I definitely see you as an artist who is highly creative at many things. I believe your work is good (and good enough) because you show up for it. To me that is the best kind of artist. Thank you for sharing your many works with us.
Thank-you! Showing up is indeed half the battle. I'm looking forward to the day when I have more time to show up for everything, as I hate having to pick and choose how to spend my precious non-working hours :)
One of my stumbing blocks is wondering whether I can call myself a "creative" at all. I'm not an artist or musician, though I do sew a bit and I make salve - just one kind now because it's all the energy I have. My creative work is in groups, collaborating to get things done, to go from vision to results. Yes, I am driven by results, and by deadlines too. Do deadlines include or exclude is something I struggle with. More importantly, did we / I finish that task or accomplish somewhere close to a goal we set. Somewhere close is important - the "good enough" that can be so freeing.
If I was asked to give you a title, Artist would feel like the right fit. Maybe more than anything. The fact that you're using many "languages" in terms of the disciplines available to you doesn't (in my mind) diminish the narrative arc that is ultimately your life's work. I think you're going to find a whole lot of supportive and affirming words from a number of people in your sphere. I'm one of those. I too struggle with identity around writing and music, and even my professional work with trees that I regard as an art as well. I wonder if a wiser person than me might say that the credibility people like us seek is actually in the process... curiosity, intuition, intention... than in the products? As a product driven person, that's tough to reconcile, but there might be a grain of truth in it. Regardless, I'm always looking forward to, and excited to see your work. And that dish towel gets a ton of use, just so you know.
Thinking further, and more to the point of your question, I've tried some things that could be described as tools, and have always left them feeling like a failure. This year, I am so incredibly busy that the current practice in all aspects of my life is to pile it on, whatever "it" is, and then just move from pile to pile in an effort to meet other peoples deadlines, then my own. This may well result in a heart attack one day, but there you go. That's my process, and shit's getting done!
Thank-you for your comments and the fact you use the dish towel warms me on this cold November morning :)
Product is only important to me in the sense that it is the completion of a cycle of investigation. Finishing a warp, recording a piece of music, sending out a substack piece - all represent the closing of a particular question, even if I immediately start on something else that opens a very similar question up all over again. Simply turning out products is totally uninteresting to me as I've noted whenever I've done a production weaving or sewing project (turning out 8 or more of the same item). It's why I don't sell my textile work (that, and the fact I'd rather give it away than undersell it for what people actually pay).
I have definitely lived through periods of "pile it on" where I say yes to all the opportunities and requests that come my way, but lately I've found a great desire to push back on all of that and create a lot more space for silence. Over on my old blog (which I'm on my way to retiring in favour of this substack space), I wrote a post not long ago inquiring into whether I am at core more of an introvert who has been rewarded for extroverted mannerisms, than a true extrovert. This is something I've arrived at through therapy and a more close observation of what actually makes me happy versus what I think *should* make me happy. On the other hand, external pressure and deadlines (like going into the recording studio this upcoming weekend) does help me to focus on something I might otherwise set to the side. Somewhere in here is a happy medium, right?
i totally get this feeling! leaving yourself open to what you have the energy for is the way forward; and taking joy in the process as it's own reward. i also wear many hats throughout a week, i'm starting to draw the line at wearing them in the same day as i just physically do not have the energy any longer to work a full day and play a show! getting out of your own way sounds like great advice, and remember that YOU get to decide how you define yourself, in every context, because YOU are the one in charge! thank you for this installment, and congrats on all of your projects!
Oh, I can so relate to this energy shift as I lost my taste for playing live shows about ten years ago when I suddenly didn't have it in me to work all day and then play shows that started at 9 or 10 at night..... I think of you as having endless energy, but I guess none of us have it forever! I think you've identified my stumbling block in your comment, which is a core belief that I don't believe I get to decide how to define myself. However, I'm finding that external validation is less and less my goal as I get older and more liberated - so I'm hopeful that by the time I'm seventy I'll be done with these questions. Thanks for the reminder!
I’ve written a lot of books. The world would call me an author, but that’s not the identity I’ve claimed. I’m a storyteller. Usually that eventually takes book form, but not always. Sometimes I need to spin or read or do handstands or play my violin, because to be a storyteller is to feel story moving through me.
I will add that we have a lot of overlap in our hobbies 😆, and if we do in our writing, yo might try ignoring the organizational features of Scrivener and just writing. I’m really good at outlines, but my storyteller just doesn’t follow them. There is always more than one way to connect the dots, and I find mine in flow. That might not resonate for you at all, but I can confirm actual books can be finished that way, despite the conventional wisdom ☺️
Interesting. Your comment made me think about what my creative identity is - if I were to sum it up - and I would claim Connector. Pretty much all of what I do is about making connections between ideas, people, history, etc. It's the thread that stitches together all of the various practices I engage in and the way I work those in community, or share them in places like this Substack.
Scrivener works for me because of what I am writing and the way that I write - I'm not overly hung up on its features, but I do like that it allows me to section out my writing and then work on a particular section without having to scroll forever (like I would in a Word doc). Getting into flow totally does resonate with me, but that has less to do with my specific tools and a lot more to do with a head space I find it hard to access. More and more I think that I'm not built for doing a single thing for hours, but better when I move between things over the course a day - an hour or two here, an hour or two there. If only I didn't have to dedicate 8 of my daily hours to work, then I might actually get something done :)
Ditching the day job helps some days - not so much others 🤣.
Connector sounds like a wonderful way to stitch things together. I found that once I had my creative identity better named, the various ways it needed to express felt far less scattered. We segment creativity based on the tools I’m our hands, but that’s kind of a dumb divide, honestly…. And it can make us feel like you wrote about, like we aren’t giving any of them enough time to be good at them. Do you judge thst differently if you think of yourself as a connector? And your need to flow between things? (Duh, lol. That sounds very connector-like!)
Connector is an identification that I've used in my professional identity (communications professional, union leader) - it describes a lot of my internal motivation and external impulses to work with others, teach, introduce people who can help each other etc. I hadn't really thought of it before re: creative work, though I've developed other, somewhat aligned "why" statements for my work over the years. I will have to think on how "connector" manifests and how to use that identity more consciously in the way I frame the various pieces together!
I’ve had several very seemingly disconnected careers, but it turns out the theme is I’m the one who finds the story and forms it in a way that’s easier for others to see and hear and find resonance with. My life path sounded waaaaay less chaotic and unfocused when I figured that out! I hope it’s an interesting lens for you to play with :)
I just wrote a long comment and then inadvertently deleted it 😭. I don't have the heart to restart now... I'll try later!
I'll just imagine you saying "Who's the boss around here anyway?" instead.
Haha, WOW, I needed those words myself today! Thanks!
I know I started by saying that your post touches on so many things I think about daily, I didn't know where to start. I wrote that I do believe following the heat is the way to go, and indeed doesn't need to mean "waiting for the muse". I wrote something about how, for me, success in my creative practice (and we're clearly not talking about worldly success here) simply means that I'm doing it enough that I feel like *myself*. If I'm not doing it, I don't feel good. Putting it out in the world is another topic...
I'm pretty sure I also whined some about my current struggles with my creative practice, but I'll spare you that part this time around 😅
"success in my creative practice (and we're clearly not talking about worldly success here) simply means that I'm doing it enough that I feel like *myself*"
This here is the key - and a definition I'm going to start using for my own success metric. Frankly it's the only reason I write - because as hard and sucky as writing is for me, something feels way off in my life when I'm not doing it in some form. Ditto playing my violin (I recently had a bit of a come-to-Jesus moment with myself about this because I'm at the age where I can't set it to the side for months and then return effortlessly - if I want my hands to stay flexible, then I need to play continuously or lose I'll lose my capacity to play at all).
Thanks for re-capturing some of your thoughts for me - as have so much respect for your practice and writing about practice. Your words are always helpful in this regard.
Thank you so much, Megan. Your words are like a salve right now.
If I may, I definitely see you as an artist who is highly creative at many things. I believe your work is good (and good enough) because you show up for it. To me that is the best kind of artist. Thank you for sharing your many works with us.
Thank-you! Showing up is indeed half the battle. I'm looking forward to the day when I have more time to show up for everything, as I hate having to pick and choose how to spend my precious non-working hours :)
One of my stumbing blocks is wondering whether I can call myself a "creative" at all. I'm not an artist or musician, though I do sew a bit and I make salve - just one kind now because it's all the energy I have. My creative work is in groups, collaborating to get things done, to go from vision to results. Yes, I am driven by results, and by deadlines too. Do deadlines include or exclude is something I struggle with. More importantly, did we / I finish that task or accomplish somewhere close to a goal we set. Somewhere close is important - the "good enough" that can be so freeing.
If I was asked to give you a title, Artist would feel like the right fit. Maybe more than anything. The fact that you're using many "languages" in terms of the disciplines available to you doesn't (in my mind) diminish the narrative arc that is ultimately your life's work. I think you're going to find a whole lot of supportive and affirming words from a number of people in your sphere. I'm one of those. I too struggle with identity around writing and music, and even my professional work with trees that I regard as an art as well. I wonder if a wiser person than me might say that the credibility people like us seek is actually in the process... curiosity, intuition, intention... than in the products? As a product driven person, that's tough to reconcile, but there might be a grain of truth in it. Regardless, I'm always looking forward to, and excited to see your work. And that dish towel gets a ton of use, just so you know.
Thinking further, and more to the point of your question, I've tried some things that could be described as tools, and have always left them feeling like a failure. This year, I am so incredibly busy that the current practice in all aspects of my life is to pile it on, whatever "it" is, and then just move from pile to pile in an effort to meet other peoples deadlines, then my own. This may well result in a heart attack one day, but there you go. That's my process, and shit's getting done!
Thank-you for your comments and the fact you use the dish towel warms me on this cold November morning :)
Product is only important to me in the sense that it is the completion of a cycle of investigation. Finishing a warp, recording a piece of music, sending out a substack piece - all represent the closing of a particular question, even if I immediately start on something else that opens a very similar question up all over again. Simply turning out products is totally uninteresting to me as I've noted whenever I've done a production weaving or sewing project (turning out 8 or more of the same item). It's why I don't sell my textile work (that, and the fact I'd rather give it away than undersell it for what people actually pay).
I have definitely lived through periods of "pile it on" where I say yes to all the opportunities and requests that come my way, but lately I've found a great desire to push back on all of that and create a lot more space for silence. Over on my old blog (which I'm on my way to retiring in favour of this substack space), I wrote a post not long ago inquiring into whether I am at core more of an introvert who has been rewarded for extroverted mannerisms, than a true extrovert. This is something I've arrived at through therapy and a more close observation of what actually makes me happy versus what I think *should* make me happy. On the other hand, external pressure and deadlines (like going into the recording studio this upcoming weekend) does help me to focus on something I might otherwise set to the side. Somewhere in here is a happy medium, right?